I'm not in sales!

Met a senior lawyer awhile ago who absolutely balked at the idea that he had to promote himself to get clients. "If we're good, people would just show up," he said. "Ugh. To think I'd have to pitch myself against the competition. How vile and common is that!"

That's fine if one is retiring age and has a string of wins under one's belt. Not to mention being senior partner at one of the most reputable law firms in town.

What if you were just starting out and more focused on honing your skills in your trade rather than on making yourself stand out for what you were good at? How then would people begin to know what you were capable of?

Many professionals I know resolutely refuse to "sell" themselves. They continue to pick up certificate after certificate, put in hundreds of hours of study, but not to reach out and extend themselves to their "public." Why? Pride, maybe. "I don't do sales. I'm not in marketing. You mean I have to make cold calls ~ be like a car salesman?" they snap as they turn up their nose in judgment and disgust.

Or what, I ask. Remain the best kept secret in town, confusing humility with poverty? They choose to wear their "un-success" like a badge of honor, and all the while, failing to shine bright in their skill and talent. By so doing, depriving so many of their magic.

That's real selfishness, I think. That's confusing humility with ego; because the ego-mind thinks they must keep themselves small and insignificant and not put themselves up and out there in the fore-front of people's minds ~ because that would be calling too much attention to themselves.

It's the perfect excuse to take the easy way out I say. I say that's the best "cop out" strategy. Say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. Go easy. Go safe. Go hide.

For who are we to shine, we think? There must be others more magnificent that ourselves? And so we go, withholding our magic, when we could be sprinkling our "fairy dust" over people and spreading joy, wonder, and love.

How are you holding yourself back today? Why not decide to go out there and shine? Why not choose to live your miracle and demonstrate your magic?

When you're bullied, harrassed, and treated as second class

"I think this letter should be simplified. It's too long and complicated."

Ok. Thanks for your feedback. I've read through it and wonder if you would point out exactly where you think it should be shortened, and what should be deleted. A quick draft from you would be helpful.

"I don't have time for that. I just think it should be one page.
If you say a word more, I shall have you thumped for your insolence. How dare you talk back at me!"
____________________________________________

Talent: I wonder if you had any idea how to make the show
more interesting?
Manager:I think it could be "less heavy." Make it fun.
Talent: Right. Should we talk about that sometime as there's a structure I must follow? I had several ideas
A week later...
Manager:You're fired. We don't really have the show we want.
__________________________________________________________________

When you work at something, and especially if you're a volunteer, who isn't compensated for your contribution but give your time freely and willingly, the idea is to support one another because you share a cause. But no. Egos are ever-ready to pounce when separation is threatened. Ego loves exclusiveness, loftiness. Ego is holier-than-thou and wants to prove its specialness. Combination, cooperation, cohesiveness, collaboration seems almost too threatening to its survival.

So the minute it's confronted, it goes into protection mode. "How DARE you!" "Who are you to say that to ME??? Dont you know who I am???"

Watch out for your dragons. The shadow side that runs wild and free. When the beasts escape be prepared to be embarrassed. For who would you wish people to see ~ you or your ego?
Funnily the shadow exposes you ~ your dark side speaks so loud that no words can raise you above the murky mists of your inner black box. Only embracing the truth could set you free.
__________________________________________________________________

Why don't bosses have the courtesy and the courage to communicate with us the truth? Why must they soft-pedal and pussy-foot around with our careers? Why do they give us the wrong impression when actually the opposite is true? To avoid confrontation? To cover their backs? To stay popular while they're at their covert operations of shutting you up and shutting you down?

If you stand by your principles... if authenticity and forthrightness is a high value to you, then one can expect to be disillusioned by hypocrisy, feigned loyalty, and double standards. But then the savvy among us would just set as an expectation, the said situations and add this to the cost of "doing business in life." Or shall we speak up?

For far too long, we have been tolerant and docile and submissive. We've turned our face away when our sisters were molested, we've been not-so-innocent bystanders while there was harassment and bullying going on in the workplace. For how long more should we remain silent?

In honour of the spirit in each person, to salute the soul in each other, will you not act for fairness, and justice, and speak up in truth?

International Women's Day

No matter that my self-esteem is 100% intact... I still get frazzled at people's insensitivity and mindlessness when they comment on my appearance.

What gets to me more than just denting my ego (girls all think we're pretty) is how easily, casually, people pre-judge by outer appearances. We apply labels without thinking what consequence we might cause to those involved.

Looking me up and down, from head to toe, they say, "Big lady" or "Oversized" or "Well-preserved." As if they have any right to comment, taking note of their own attributes ~ which are always sadly lacking! So disappointing. If I must be looked over, at least let it be by a hunk. Ah well, consolation is I am never overlooked.

Like they say: Always easy to see the splinter in someone else's eye or find fault in others. Harder to notice the log in your own.

The point being? I'm making a case for women. Women everywhere are always putting ourselves down, ever-ready to believe we are less than... men. It seems we've been raised, nurtured, cultured to be No2, subservient, agreeable. Even when it doesn't serve us.

The comments that I mentioned? All from men. It seems men have carte blanche ~ they can comment on how we look, look at us as if we were things they could rate on their terms. Well, the good news is... not anymore. Not if we put a stop to it. Not if we take our power back.

Women aren't just about how we look and what we have. We are about who we are. And who we are is often much bigger, better, grander, stronger, more magnificent then our male counterparts.

True. All true. If only we'd remember where we came from, who we are and what we're made of.
This March I dedicate all my effort and energy towards raising awareness for women and our sacrifices. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

Real Leadership or Dictatorship?

Another word for politics is self - preservation. Or self - interest.
This weekend I was not only observer to a crash course of this, but I was at the centre of it!

I had joined as a member of a coaching community, only they had failed to inform me that I could never lead it because I didn't come from the same training school they were from. In other words, I was a member without "teeth;" someone with my voice taken away from me, a player who had had her mind paralyzed, unless my thoughts echoed their thoughts.

Mmmm... membership without privileges.
"Oh please stay. We want you with us. You are special." Yeah Yeah. If I stayed, would that make everyone else special too, or just me? What did "special" mean anyway?

Whoa! This was getting wierd. Step back. Step back and think about what's being done here.
Let me see... There's discrimination against other schools of training, other schools of thought. There's protectionism; they're wedging separation, exclusivity between themselves and others. There's labeling: Us = OK. You = Not OK.
Oh but come and play with us, they insist.

I remember someone saying: If you are not with us, you are against us. Wonder who said that and what the aftermath was.

Control is born of... fear. When one is in that type of environment one immediately feels stuck, limited, tense, rigid, tied down. Why do leaders impose control? Fear... of truth, of people being equal and empowered and enabled. What's wrong with that? Back to square one. Self - interest. Self - preservation.

Ahhh... but for how long can a man control another man? How well can you keep someone in chains before something happens that will cause the chains to break and he to breakaway?
For the natural "chain" of events must lead to self-direction, control of one's personal choices, and freedom of expression.

No fear on my part. No need to struggle. Spirit will take care of life.

Is Egypt a "tipping point," or a "now what?"

All transformation begins when we begin to see our life and experiences through new eyes.

I call it conscious incompetence. Suddenly we wake up and know that the old is no longer acceptable. Suddenly whatever was, is no longer workable. When this realization happens, we are no longer the same. We have changed. We have grown. We have outgrown obsolete and outdated ways of being, social structures, social orders. Then things become uncomfortable. Because we seek a new model within which to operate.

What brings on this new awareness? What presents to us the opportunity to look again? To review, to readjust? Some occasions force us to wake up and pay attention. Like crisis. Like rebellion. Like uprising. Like Egypt, Yemen, Syria.

So the world has been made to take notice. Those in power have been forced to step down. Power has shifted from the minorities at the top to the majorities below. More and more it's people power.

How do I know? Look at what's happening with international business, food, and commodity prices. With this global food shortage, who are the ones with the weapons? The ones who produce the food of course! The farmers, the miners, the workers of business, not the businesses themselves... hold the key to quell the world's hunger --- hunger for consumerism (wants), hunger for sustenance (needs) hunger for growth (desires)

If the ridge between the rich and the poor grows wider, who could potentially suffer most? If the US doesn't do something about its illiterate, hardcore poor, immigration policy, what do you think could happen to upset our hierarchy of needs? No one would end up having their safety, security, social, self-esteem, self-actualization needs met because there would be too much chaos for social order and justice systems to survive and thrive.

If India and China don't address the same issue, the same thing could happen to them. And the ripple effect would soon be felt not only across borders but affect future generations.

So I vote we all wake up now and pay attention. Pay close attention to what people are saying and how they are saying it. And sharpen our listening skills.

That means we must work to get ego out of the way

Energy is Contagious

Ever been invited to a ball and there was a mix-up with your seats? You stand there thinking, "How can I shrink enough so people don't see me looking like an idiot." Or been to a party and things didn't feel right... the hosts... you... somehow you didn't feel welcome.

What stuff do these feelings resonate with in us, that we begin to have thoughts of pain and insecurity? What needs of ours aren't being met when these situations occur?

That we want to feel significant, that we want to be noticed, and to belong is every human being's basic need. Without this we feel unsafe, unwanted, incomplete, inadequate. Without this we are almost in pain.

So what's the point? The point is what our intentions are. The point is how we want people to feel in our presence. Do we intend to make life a party? Or are we intent on dishing out pain?

The biggest shots and best among us are at fault. Have you noticed politicians who can't look you in the eye when they shake your hand. "Gimme your vote, you prick, but I don't really give a rat's ass about you."

Go to a diplomatic function and at the entrance the ushers tell you, "VIPs, turn right. Everyone else go left." Uh... would you kindly define for me the meaning of "VIP" please?
Being a protocol conscious society I understand full well, the titles and references for those with authority. At govt events, it's all pretty standard. But in a hall with clear boundaries... I don't know.

What's the real point? I'm saying think about how you want people to think and feel about you. Every moment you're with others, you're developing your personal brand. You cannot not communicate!

Just observe your breathing around certain people. With some you feel like your back is up. And your breathing becomes quick and shallow around them. With others, you feel totally relaxed. You feel centered. You feel grounded. You feel like yourself.

What is your energy saying about you? About the way you live your life? About the people you're spending time with?

Big question: What type of life do you want?

Sabotage!

You'd think those who are downright broke would work to protect their jobs at all costs. Right? Nope. It seems not.

I offered a job to someone with 4 kids, a wife, a mortgage, and no work. I thought he meant what he said. He said, "I need this job. Life is hard. My family is struggling." So I did what I thought would work. I offered him a salary that would take the worry of money off the table enough so he could focus on doing a good job.

On the 3rd day he turned up an hour late. By the 5th day, he appeared as though he was going to the beach. Only he was stinky, unshaven, and dull. The work didn't get done. In fact, it was worse than before because now I couldn't get to it because I didn't know where stuff was anymore.

Day 10. He texts me to apologize. "I'm off sick," he says. So I tell him, "No need to report back tomorrow, buddy." I'm thinking... go back to whatever it was you came from. Go knock yourself out. Be the person you were meant to be. Hey, don't let me interrupt that!

Sometimes the preachers are mistaken. Sometimes we just can't profile people by generalizing. We may think that's what they need and give it to them. We may even want the best for them --- even more than they want it for themselves. But we forget to consider whatever is working for them in their trough of seeming discontent. There's some kind of secondary gain from being a bum. Something about being unemployed with 5 dependents and bills to pay is making sense to them at some level.

What? Are they illiterate? Schizophrenic? Delusional? Certainly not dumb by any means, that much I know.

As I detach from my association with this person, I send off a prayer in his direction. If not for him, then for the 5 souls who look to him as the head of the household. Peace be with you, my brothers and sisters. That you may know it someday.

Keep It Simple Stupid!

Here's the challenge. To write and speak and give insight --- to take it to the next level and keep it simple at the same time. What's involved is this. [1] Keep the integrity of my message. Write from how I think. [2] Pace your audience. Remember where they're coming from. [3] Fit my message with them.

I keep getting feedback from bosses, leaders, directors --- "Keep it simple," they say. "People don't care to think. They want to be cheered up --- from their daily grind. They don't want more work, they want to unwind."

Unfortunately, if there are problems to solve, it doesn't happen at the same place where the problem was formed in the first place. Einstein said, "You can't solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it."

I'm not sure all people are made of sugar. Would they melt under some heat? I'd prefer to think we're more resilient than that. My main job is to support them in creating their vision. And every good man knows how to turn that vision into reality.
Can you?

But if we're of the opinion that people will crack under pressure; if we keep underestimating them, their level of understanding, ability to adapt, their passion, and burning desire to improve themselves and their situations, then let everything we do and say be easy.
As easy as a walk in the park.

When stuff is easy and there's as much challenge involved as there is in licking stamps, then where would we be? What does that make us? Where does this take us?

Inherent in all of us is our drive for personal excellence. Take away the need for food, shelter, safety, love and belonging... When we have all these, what then? What fulfills us?
The drive to excel, to be significant, to contribute to something bigger than ourselves.

If we stay on the soft and safe path, if we never leave our comfort zones, if we don't ever feel the stretch, then there's a chance we might say to ourselves, at the dusk of our lives, "What if my whole life was wrong? What if there was stuff I could have done, and I didn't?"

The moral of the story is, there's got to be meaning. Stuff has got to mean enough for us to get up and work up a sweat about. Then we'd feel complete. Then we'd be truly living. Then we'd know fulfillment.

Speaker Presenter Coach & Mentor

This is me presenting at various events in 2010



























Public speaking is uncomfortable for me. I've had to learn it and even now I am lacking confidence about it. What gets me up there is my passion for sharing my story --- knowing that my experience will help many others overcome their lack of confidence. And so I get up there and make an effort to show that anything is possible.

"Stop making it about you," I say to myself. Never mind the critics. Keep focus on your intentions.

And my intention is not to receive public approval, gather fans, or win a popularity contest.
My intention is to share the magic and miracle of Neuro - Semantic psychology and how staying in control of our attitudes, and the way we look at things, will change the quality of our lives.

There are many events lined up for me in 2011. Although I am concerned that I might not be as good as my trainers, coaches, and mentors, I know that all I need to be is my best. And I will give my all to be at my very best. This is my commitment --- to myself, and my work to inspire the courage, confidence, and freedom so that we live our best life.

A Directive To Live A New Life

How should we interpret the recent spate of global crises? Not even crises; just occurrences.

Whether we like it or not, we live in an "entanglement" economy --- where one nation's prosperity is inter - connected to another nation's performance. The theme, agree or not, must be "prosper thy neighbor." Or all may perish.

With the US and Europe in financial turmoil, India and China (and other emerging markets) are on the rise --- from overtaking the US and Japan as the world's largest exporters, the world's largest consumers; and the rest of the world have no choice but to sit up and pay attention. What else can we do? Drop out of orbit?

Corruption, commercial breach of trust, nuclear and biological warfare, ecological disasters swirling all around us... what will you and I do about that if the intention is evolution?

I see this as an opportunity for readjustment, for balancing the karmic scales. Western civilization is proving to be obsolete in its approach towards evolution; its practices catastrophic by result - through misuse of power --- eroding the people's trust and confidence. What have Hank Poulsen, Bernanke, Tim Geithner, Alan Greenspan achieved so far, if not to add insult to injury?

Now is the time we have to re-examine and work through our social, economic, political, cultural, and religious structures --- for transformation. We want to create new "spirit" and build up a new society based on new foundations of human thinking and doing.

But first we must be free of our tribal traditions; lose the ego-mind, and come back to our senses.

What are we fighting for? Do we want intellectual, military power? Something to crusade against? Do we need another industrial revolution? Where one culture's strength rises above others and domination occurs? How do we get to achievement, progress, morality, citizenship, and ultimately --- freedom? By passing more laws?

After all this, how much more do we know? This depends on how we see. How we see goes to form our attitudes and our attitudes go to shape our behavior.

What is our identity? Is it that of a harmonious, collective, cohesive society or clusters of tribes led by warlords? They say the leadership of any society is the community's manifestation of its aspirations.

Let's see. If this is so, then we are the movers and shakers, the shape-shifters of our time. We will create our destiny. Dynamic or destructive. Creative or conniving.

We can choose "quantum leap" or humanity's catastrophe.

I opt for life. What about you?

Transformation is about Vision

Transformation is, but a shift in perception. It is being able to see something through new eyes.
Sometimes you can see the shift coming; sometimes it happens within seconds -- like a tsunami.
Not prepared, it can claim lives.
The trick is to be alert and stay ready. As ready as possible.

Here's the scary truth. Our vision --- what we can see at any given moment --- is limited by our interpretations. The moment we assign meanings to events in our lives -- is the moment we limit our view of reality. So we gotta manage our meanings.

What do some of the recent happenings mean? There's been natural catastrophes --- the flooding in Queensland, Brazil, and China. Earthquakes in Chile, Haiti, Indonesia. Draught in Russia. Heatwaves in India. Volcanic ash in Iceland and all over Europe. Snow in London --- in fact the coldest weather in 20 years!

There's political chaos in Egypt, Tunisia, and the Ivory Coast in Africa. Soon to be general elections in Malaysia

There's been the sub-prime crisis, the "Bernie Madoff embarrassment" --- which brought on the financial crash on a global scale and is forcing the restructuring of the markets. Mega economies such as the EU and the US are in shambles and still picking up the pieces. How is this all possible, even fathomable? With bigwigs the likes of Alan Greenspan, Hank Paulson, Bernanke, Tim Geithner --- those brainy billionaire bankers at the helm???

Is greed good? Are we being punished for apportioning the wrong meanings? What's the lesson to learn here? Is this a directive from the universe to live a different type of life? If so, what type?